Sitting in my apartment at my computer this morning for the first time in months. The usual flannel & undies, cold legs, wondering when the heater will turn on. Making lists in my head of what to accomplish for the day, seeking both inspiration and distraction. Hungry, but procrastinate breakfast for the amusements of the internet. I’m a creature of routine. It’s good to be home from a really intense experience, back to the comforts of my routines. The comforts of 8am quiet before the streets fill up with people or relaxing on my bed when the afternoon sun bathes it.
I think this trip that I took to Europe was really positive for me. It was a historically dense lineup of countries and there was a lot to take in.
Mostly though, I learned a lot about myself and what kinds of things I need to feel fulfilled in my life. The conditions of Europe were new to me: new countries, taking in a lot at a time, meanwhile having no privacy or alone time. I am a solitary person despite my ability to be a social butterfly. My preference for having a lot of privacy has manifest itself over time. While it was kind of challenging for me, the abrupt move out of this routine did pose it’s own fertile ground for a lot of reflection.
I thought about the various things I could see myself doing in the future and how I might feel about that decision at the end of my life. I thought a lot about my relationships back home with every person that’s close to me. What it looks like, what I wish it to look like, what kind of work I need to put into them. I worry about my family and how the dynamics have changed since I moved out. Each person in my family is facing real challenges in their life right now. I am in a romantic relationship that means a lot to me. It’s hard for me to express how I feel about it, but it’s significant enough to have some effect on all areas of my life at the moment.
I’m excited for “life after college” to begin, but I already miss being a student. I think I will be working soon. I am working out an arrangement with an esteemed sex health service provider, which could potentially mean the chance to strengthen sex+ with my work. That will probably become more clear over the next month. I am also sitting on the board of directors for ACLU NorCal, which so far shows a strong likelihood to be a stimulating position that I will learn a lot from.
Speaking of sex+,I am taking a break from sex+ until September. I have a lot to digest mentally for now and it’s been over a year since I took a real break from weekly videos. I am excited to be back in a place where I can spend more time my videos. YouTube will play pseudo-job until all the loose ends of present work plans are tied.
How was your summer, team green? Did you learn anything interesting?