50 More Ways To Be Sex Positive!

In this week’s sex+ called “The Slut Shamer“, I used a variety of mini-skits to give some basic principles of sex positivity. Here are 50 more things that I do to complement my sex positive lifestyle. Help grow this list by sharing your ways in the comments! Can you think of more ways to be sex positive? :)

explore & find out what feels good!

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Doodle Your Down There!

A fellow sex positive resource online is putting together a coloring book of genitals. Inspired by the Cunt Coloring Book (a resource we use in the Female Sexuality course I facilitated), they are putting together another and want your doodles in their book! These educational books destigmatize the genitals and positively influence body acceptance and egalitarian behavior. I’ve also seen them break the ice for many men and women in their relationship with their genitals.

To participate, simply draw an outline of your genitals to be colored in. All genital types and drawing ability are welcome! Send your doodles to doodleyourdownthere[at]gmail[dot]com. All entries for the book will be anonymous.

Have fun! :)

PS: No, that’s not my drawing. My hands aren’t that steady. :D

Abstinence Tips!

I get email:

So I’m nearly sixteen and I want to stay abstinent with my boyfriend until I’m ready and mature enough. Although sometimes it’s really hard to do so, I was wondering if you had any tips on how to stay abstinent. He respects my decision but I know he feels ready for sex so it’s hard for us to stay abstinent when we’re alone together. We love each other and don’t want this to ruin what we have :)


Sounds like you’ve already taken the first step to get your needs met: talking about it. The mutual understanding that you have with your boyfriend is one of the most powerful tools you can use to keep your body in touch with your mind until you’re ready. When your ready, sex can be a creative force…not a destructive one! :)

Here are a few tips if you don’t think you are ready to introduce sex into your life/relationship yet:

1. Keep talking about your decision – keep updating each other on where you’re at with your readiness. This will also help to prepare you for a healthier sexual relationship when that time comes!

2. Keep your underwear on – underwear can be a good place to draw the line if you’re not ready.

3. Keep yourselves busy – if you don’t want to have sex, try to avoid situations that would be ideal for doing so.

4. Use alternative practices – if you’re ready for it, masturbating together is a fun, safe way to obtain sexual release without sex. In the same vein is making out, strip teasing, and massages.

5. Take a stance on drugs and alcohol in sexual situations – these can impair your judgment. Decide in advance if you want to use them.

6. Question yourself – if you’re having a hard time in the moment, remind yourself of the reasons why you feel you are not ready to have sex.

7. Pick a clear time for re-evaluation - consider choosing not to make any decisions about what you’re ready for while you’re in the moment with your boyfriend.

And don’t forget, when you decide that the time is right for you, protect yourself. :)

Other folks have tips of your own? Post them below!


Offended by my shirt?

I have a vulva on my shirt.

Why? Well, I love vulvas. But I also teach people about them, and the shirt is for a sexual health organization I’m a part of. As you can see, it’s not a huge, graphic picture of a vulva. Just a small, contained vulva within the circle of the symbol for “female”.

The shirt itself has so far proven itself to be a fabulous teaching tool…except in one incident. I was wearing it downtown yesterday, and an older woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked me why I needed to feel the need to wear a shirt with a vagina on it.

My instinctive response was, “Lady, it’s not a VAGINA it’s a VULVA. Get yo shit straight!”

My actual response was different (yay thinking before speaking). I told her that I love vulvas, and that I also teach people about them.

She told me that regardless of my love for vulvas, my shirt is unnecessarily obscene. Then she walked off. She never gave me a chance to respond.

So, lady, if you’re out there somewhere, I just wanted to tell you…

My vulva isn’t obscene. And neither is a cartoon of it.

It never ceases to surprise me how many women support the war that is waged on bodies. You’d think they would have had enough of the bullshit. For the 2094382039420394820394th fucking time, there is nothing shameful about a naked body nor any of its individual parts. We all have ‘em people.

there’s no shame in toes
there’s no shame in feet
there’s no shame in calves
there’s no shame in knees
there’s no shame in thighs
there’s no shame in buttocks
there’s no shame in hips
there’s no shame in tummies
there’s no shame in backs
there’s no shame in shoulders
there’s no shame in necks
there’s no shame in arms
there’s no shame in fingers
there’s no shame in ears
there’s no shame in eyes
there’s no shame in mouths
there’s no shame in hair
there’s no shame in BREASTS and
there’s no shame in VULVAS

One step at a time.