Laci’s Guide to Carpet Munching

Ok, does anybody else find the term “carpet muncher” totally endearing? I love it.

My experience with carpet munching/oral sex/eating out/cunnilingus/giving head/going down goes as follows:

People with vaginas: know what’s up.
People without vaginas: do not know what’s up.

The majority of my partners (sorry babes….hey why are you lurking my blog?) have been oh-so-valiant warriors in their efforts to master the munching of carpets…but alas, good head is a fleeting luxury. As sensitive and magical as My Clit might be, it does require a bit of pampering before she will do any tricks for you. I am writing this blog to give an account of the guide I wish I’d had a few years ago to hand over and ask “could you do this?” –accompanied of course by adorable eyelash batting and “you’re so wonderful-ing” so as not to bruise my beau’s already wavering confidence in bed.

This blog is about My Clit. If you want to better the oral sex you’re having, try writing (or verbalizing) a guide to Your Clit for your partner. If you don’t know what to do, consider the pointers here, and ask your partner the questions you have as well.

YES, PLEASE. MORE.
Just like I’ve done my carpet-munching homework by being tested & taking care of my sexual health, please do your homework as well! Before we get into bed, I expect you to know your sexual health status.

I also expect you to know my basic anatomy. You should be able to identify my anus, vagina, labia, and clit. Remember, My Clit is that little nub at the top of my inner labia. My Clit will become more pronounced as I become aroused. If you are having trouble finding it at first, I can help you with that.

Unless we have 5 minutes or someone’s about to bust through the door, the starting point should never, ever be in between my legs. Do foreplay our foreplay’s foreplay. Sexy talk, kissing, touching my favorite spots, and rubbing up on me are all better places to start than My Clit. Once you have given sufficient time for My Clit to stir from her slumber, you are welcome to visit her with your hands and tongue.

Continue reading

She doesn’t want to give head.

email tiem.

I’ve been having some trouble with my girlfriend when it comes to
oral sex. I love giving oral sex, so I eat her out whenever I get the
chance. The problem is, however, that she doesn’t like doing the same for
me. I do not in any way feel entitled to receiving oral sex just because I
give it, but it does bum me out somewhat.

…It seems like a hopeless situation, and I’m simply starting to come to
terms with the fact that I’ll probably never get to experience a proper
blowjob again if our relationship lasts. This really bums me out, as
receiving oral sex is my favorite sexual activity… so I thought I could
at least ask you before giving up completely.

Not wanting to eat out/give head to a partner comes up soooo often. Whether it’s because it feels degrading, hurts their mouth (it happens), is an ick factor, or makes them doubt their prowess (“am i doing it right?”) it seems like a reality that some people just don’t like giving oral sex.

I used to be one of those people when I first became sexually active. Oral sex on a penis was one of the more off-putting aspects of sex and I wasn’t into it. While I didn’t avoid it because I felt like I had to do it, I also didn’t really look forward to it. The cum tasted gross and made me want to gag. It was physically uncomfortable. Every minute was a pain in the ass.

But with more sexual experience, that changed.

Continue reading