I recently stumbled across a dating website exclusively for virgins called wewaited.com.
Dating websites are an interesting relationship platform that is rapidly gaining momentum. In 2009, 17% of couples who got married met online. And for good reason, online dating has the magical ability of weeding out a lot of deal-breaking crap right from the beginning (beliefs, opinions, lifestyle, future plans, interests, etc). In the case of “We Waited”, they weed out based on…..sexual experience. For some reason, situating compatibility based on the quantity of sexual experiences seems a little weird. Why would you want to homogenize your dating pool in such a way? It seems like you’d be missing out on a lot. Then again, if never having had sex is super important to you, then I guess it’s not so bad after all.
For this reason, I was initially intrigued and happy to know that such a thing exists. However, when I started reading more into the site….I’ll be honest, it got a little weird.
For starters, the website gives pretty shitty advice to teens:
Select your friends based on whether or not they’ve had sex? Uhhh…what? Yeah, that’s a real positive approach to friendly relationships, judge them by their sex lives. *facepalm* And what’s up with the “we’ll be waiting for you” line? Surely even their virginal consumers would find that mildly creepy?….
It gets more intense. “We Waited” supports the premise of their site with the assertion that “most teens wish they had waited”, but there is no data on their “source” website to back it up. Derp. Anyone can make any assertions they want, we’ve all pulled bogus out of our ass at least once. Hence, no factual evidence, no credibility. However, even if there was data to support it, a high percentage of regret should not signal that teens should just shut down their own sexuality and pretend it doesn’t exist until they’re married. It should signify that teens are not being given the proper tools to assess their sexuality on an emotional level. Physically, they’re ready to get down. Hormones are raging and their bodies are fully capable of enjoying sex. However, our culture has stunted the emotional growth that should come with sex by using all of these crappy fear mongering attitudes, like the ones “We Waited” has.
Why not help teens to make informed decisions so that their biological instincts are socially efficient? Why not open the conversation up and allow teens to think about when it’s appropriate to have sex? Teenagers are NOT stupid or inept, and we must stop treating them as such. I feel we need to be asking questions, listening to their answers, and providing them with the tools they need to grow into healthy sexual beings. All of this “shut it off” shit is pretty contrary to how things actually go down within our bodies.
Cherry on top for “We Waited”? Their “virgin screening system”. When I read about it on their homepage, I laughed. But then I realized that to actually test for virginity would require some kind of hymen test for women…which is, you know, fucked up and inaccurate. Plus, who knows how they’d do it for men. Polygraph? Lol.
Luckily, there’s no such approach in their “tested and reliable system” (they are pretty hardcore about its reliability on their homepage). When you read the fine print, their “tested system” basically checks “to identify people who have been married, in previous relationships, if they have children, or if they have provided false information about themselves” (FAQ page). Sounds like a background check followed by a bunch of arbitrary assumptions from the person behind the computer. I’m frightened to know how they may have “tested” this system.
I’m all about a virgin meeting site because it might be neat for those who value abstinence in a partner, but the preachy exclusivity in all of their literature really turns me off. Hopefully “We Waited” will eventually realize that their discourse falls more along the lines of “We are Assholes”.