Laci’s Guide to Carpet Munching

Ok, does anybody else find the term “carpet muncher” totally endearing? I love it.

My experience with carpet munching/oral sex/eating out/cunnilingus/giving head/going down goes as follows:

People with vaginas: know what’s up.
People without vaginas: do not know what’s up.

The majority of my partners (sorry babes….hey why are you lurking my blog?) have been oh-so-valiant warriors in their efforts to master the munching of carpets…but alas, good head is a fleeting luxury. As sensitive and magical as My Clit might be, it does require a bit of pampering before she will do any tricks for you. I am writing this blog to give an account of the guide I wish I’d had a few years ago to hand over and ask “could you do this?” –accompanied of course by adorable eyelash batting and “you’re so wonderful-ing” so as not to bruise my beau’s already wavering confidence in bed.

This blog is about My Clit. If you want to better the oral sex you’re having, try writing (or verbalizing) a guide to Your Clit for your partner. If you don’t know what to do, consider the pointers here, and ask your partner the questions you have as well.

Just like I’ve done my carpet-munching homework by being tested & taking care of my sexual health, please do your homework as well! Before we get into bed, I expect you to know your sexual health status.

I also expect you to know my basic anatomy. You should be able to identify my anus, vagina, labia, and clit. Remember, My Clit is that little nub at the top of my inner labia. My Clit will become more pronounced as I become aroused. If you are having trouble finding it at first, I can help you with that.

Unless we have 5 minutes or someone’s about to bust through the door, the starting point should never, ever be in between my legs. Do foreplay our foreplay’s foreplay. Sexy talk, kissing, touching my favorite spots, and rubbing up on me are all better places to start than My Clit. Once you have given sufficient time for My Clit to stir from her slumber, you are welcome to visit her with your hands and tongue.

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How To Find the Clitoris

Do you know what your clitoris looks like?

Rip out your mirror and explore your vulva! Here’s a guide to help you find what you’re looking for.

Look out for another video on the clitoris this week!
I will be discussing common clitoris questions and offer some tips for clitoral stimulation during oral sex and self pleasure/masturbation. Feel free to send in any additional questions you have & I’ll do my best to offer some help.

Lol, yeahhh… I forgot to move the vibrator. It’s there for the aforementioned follow-up vid that’ll be up later this week. XD


Oh, mysterious clitoris. Responsible for those body-shaking, holy-shit-what-was-that orgasms that put you in a daze a few minutes afterward.

How I love thee….

*Since some YouTubers have flagged my video, this version is available regardless of your age. hope you enjoy it!

**You can also watch it on YouTube at this link (bypasses age filter):

Holy grail of sex toys! Jopen Vanity Vr3


Click to check out the Jopen Vanity by EdenFantasys.

Feel free to leave any questions below. Also, I am ordering toys for future review on Saturday 3/16. If there’s something you want reviewed, let me know with a link to the product via my email!

PS: In re: the comments, this toy is recharged with an AC adapter, not batteries. :)

Clitical: Clitoris 101

Here’s one of those subjects that YouTube would force me to censor.

One of my long-time viewers that I recently started following on Twitter requested the clitoris be discussed in the Sex+ survey I distributed at the end of 2010. Specifically, he wanted to know where it is.

Here’s a diagram I graffiti’d:

ZOMG so cute, right?! It’s right there above the vagina itself, nestled in the fold of the labia minora. If you rest your palm centered on her pubic bone, your middle finger will run on top of the clitoris. It is a relatively small bump (though they come in all different sizes!) and it will engorge when she’s aroused; remember, it is the female equivalent of the penis. That is to say, the clitoris has all the nerve endings of the glans of the penis packed into a much smaller space–no wonder it’s so sensitive!

That’s another thing. The clitoris, well, it’s generally a sensitive little piece of equipment. So sensitive, that many women can’t handle the intense contact of fingers to clitoris. To ease the friction, you might try using a little lubricant or rubbing just slightly above it instead. In all endeavors, the clitoris demands fragile TLC, and over-stimulation can be numbing, painful, or diminish the sensation it brings. This is why gentle licking, sucking, or soft circular rubbing are popular favorites of women.

The clitoris also deserves special attention because it is the most common way that women orgasm (for more on that check out Sexual Feeling in Married Men and Women by George Kelly). Stimulation of the clitoris is a vital piece of many women’s enjoyment of sex, so don’t neglect it, even during envelopment. Using hands or certain positions (woman on top) during sex can help with that.