Saggy Boobs (NSFW)

email time!

Hi Laci! So there’s something I’m really insecure about. My breasts. I’m sixteen years-old, my cup size is 36 C-D, and I tend to hunch over a lot, but my breasts are quite saggy. I hate it and it’s something I’m really insecure about, especially when I see other women with ‘perfectly perky’ golden globes. I’m scared that when I decide to get intimate with someone that they’re going to find me unattractive. I’m quite a confident person, and I’m fine with my body except for this/these. Do you possibly have any answers on how to make them better, or at least help me be not as insecure?
-Much love and thanks, J.

Ah, the ol’ “saggy boobs” conundrum. Yet another way that thousands of females come to feel shitty about themselves because of the absurd beauty standards we are held to. Saggy boobs are typically associated with “old women”, which is one of the reasons why they are considered “ugly”. We do not value the beauty of women as they age, only when they look young (notice the obsession with youth in the beauty industry).

While men are affected to some degree, it’s not nearly as bad. It’s a widely-held notion that men become more attractive as they age.

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“Hiding” – Viewer Submission

Here is a poem sent to me by Ari, a Sex+ viewer. I thought I would share!

Hiding

A smile can hide pain
Laughter can hide a sob
Fake can hide a lifetime of hurt
Make-up can hide every scar
“Happy” can hide how you really feel,
but when do we become real?
When we strike the blade for the first time?
When we break down in a million tears?
When you become everyone’s rock
but can barely hold yourself up?
When the tag reads one, but your eyes see one hundred?
When last night’s dinner is being flushed with your pride?
When no one sees past a forced smile,
an un-sincere laugh, a half hearted
“I’m fine”
What do we do then?
We mask it more?
We let ourselves get to the point
Where a gun to the head, a handful of pills,
Anything, is better then this life
Little 12 year old girls walk around the mall
Makeup caked to their face, hair bleached and fried straight
So skinny you can see almost every bone
How has this become our vision of perfect, pretty, even beautiful?
Its none of those things, its sad
So don’t fall for it
Don’t fall for the trap they call the “in-crowd”
Because every person is beautiful and perfect
just the way they are.




Have something you want posted? Drop me a line! :)
Have a brilliant day everyone. I’ll be back later this week.

5 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem

Here are 5 things that I feel helped to drastically improve my self-esteem, and more specifically, my body image over the last 3 years.

1. Stop reading fashion magazines/body building magazines/stupid shit that glorifies unrealistic bodies. These are a huge culprit for poor body image. By bombarding you with unrealistic images, it’s easier to sell you things to fix yourself. The continued viewing of these images conditions us into the ideal of the magazine instead of an ideal that is healthy for our various body shapes.

2. Spend time naked. Routinely and as MUCH as you can! It helped me to get comfortable in my own skin. At first it felt awkward, but over the last year, I’ve come to love being naked with myself. Check out your body in the mirror. Don’t criticize, just explore. Identify all of the marks, spots, and bumps that are unique to you.

3. Exercise and eat well. Take care of your body so that it can take care of you. Learn to cook (YouTube has a TON of great tutorials and recipes!) so that you can feed it yummy, healthy foods. Save the salty, sugary, fatty foods for special occasions. These are hard on your body and will make you feel icky. Also strive to get at least a half hour of activity every day. If you’re like me, it helps to change up the activity so you don’t get bored!

4. When you notice yourself making judgment calls about your own body or other peoples’ bodies, step back and think about it. When I first started this, it was a near constant inner dialogue to work through my concepts of bodies and beauty. Consciously correct yourself before you move on. Remind yourself why it’s unproductive to judge, affirm your self love, and set a precedent to be more positive next time. This exercise works to build your self-awareness. The more self-aware you are, the easier it is to let go of the negative influences around you. I think this had the most effect for me.

5. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Get rid of friends that expect you to live up to a certain physical standard and/or judge you for your body – I’ve found these aren’t real friends. They are offering you a relationship contingent on your physical appearance. If you are striving to accept and love yourself, it naturally follows that you need to be in the presence of people who do the same. If you notice your friends being body negative, use it as an opportunity to start a conversation about their judgment. With continued conversation, your friends might hop on board toward a healthier view of themselves and others right along with you! Using a gentle, genuine tone and the right questions, I’ve strengthened a hand full of friendships using these kinds of dialog:

i.e.:

Friend: Wow, look at that cow!
You: Why are you calling her a cow?

Friend: What the fuck is she wearing?
You: What does it matter what she wears?

Friend: Ewww look how little he is!
You: Little compared to what?

Best of luck. <3

ADVICE: My girlfriend is too fat!

I get email [paraphrased]:

I have recently began to date a fantastic girl. I’m very confused, because I like her for who she is, like, I love this girl, and I want to stay with her forever. It’s just…I wish she was thinner. I know, I know, that sounds like such a douche bag thing to want, and I feel horrible about it. She’s not even obese, just a little rounded, which isn’t wrong by any means. Just, as far as sexuality goes, I wish she was a little thinner, just as a turn on type thing and stuff…Thanks for any help you can give.

First off, thanks for acknowledging that not accepting your partner’s natural form is not fair. You are way ahead of the game. However, if it makes you feel any better, it’s probably not entirely your fault for holding her to such standards. While you have fortunately acknowledged it, many others often fail to recognize that this “unnatural beauty bombardment” is not only detrimental to women, it hurts relationships and women’s partners too.

To me, the reality is, you cannot ask your girlfriend to lose weight. In particular, because you just started dating AND she’s healthy. To many, it will come off as douchebaggy and uncalled for. Not only that, but such a request has the power to destroy a person’s self confidence, and sometimes, their trust in you. It’s normal for women to have curves and a little bit more body fat than men. People with a little extra weight tend to live longer and healthy sized women (note, the spectrum of healthy is much broader than we perceive) have healthier babies. I would like to add, in response to some legitimately concerned comments, that dealing with an unhealthy partner is a different story that I’m not going to get into in this post.

That said, the fact remains that you still feel an impediment in your attraction to her. As much as I’d like to believe love is blind, I don’t. In my experience, there needs to be SOME kind of physical attraction for any physical relationship to work. The rest of your email indicates that you obviously find her attractive, she’s just not your “perfect 10″ because of the weight issue. Perhaps it might be helpful for you to:

1) Start at the root of the problem: begin questioning your own perceptions of weight and beauty to understand why you feel the way you do. What are you comparing her to? Is it pornography? Is it reality TV? Surround yourself with more positive/realistic images and continue questioning yourself. You have clearly already started that, which I think is awesome! Many props to you. But it takes time, skepticism, and persistence before you will really start to see beauty in more forms than just being thin–so don’t beat yourself up over it.

2) Take theory out into the real world: focus on what you do like when you’re getting off with her. Enjoy the rest of her body and allow yourself to embrace the “soul connection” you have with her when you have sex.

While working out with a partner is always a fun activity, I think that asking her to work out with you for the sake of her losing weight is a bit extreme in this case; again, mostly because you just started dating, but also because she’s not unhealthy/self esteem stuff. So, other than being sensitive, opening your mind to other kinds of beauty, and continuing to focus on the positive you see in her, I personally don’t know of much more that could really help you. It’s not a black and white issue, but you sound like you’re on the right path. In short, it is my opinion that if you want to stay with her, you’ll have to look past it, and these are some of the means that might help you do so. Best of luck!

The comment section is open to readers who have their own input. Should anyone else like to give advice, please remember that this is a sex and body positive space. :)

Real Bodies: Normal Breasts

Note: this post is NFSW, or “not safe for work”. I am still deciding if I’m okay with rerouting posts with nudity to a different page on the website (I didn’t build this website to have to censor myself again). For now, save your blog viewing for home if this is a problem. :)

As I alluded to in THE BREAST EFFECT (a Sex+ episode from a few weeks ago), there are many women who feel insecure about their breasts. Part of this is because the only examples we readily see, if any, are from porn. While I’m personally pro-porn, I feel one of the major downfalls is that the bodies in mainstream porn–the most accessible type of porn–are rarely real. This can have damaging effects on our self-perception because the tendency is to compare ourselves to something that generally does not happen naturally. Further, this can be damaging to the partners of women, who may come to expect breasts to look differently than they actually do.

I find looking at real naked bodies to be an empowering and important experience. When I look at them, I quickly realize that my insecurities are blown out of proportion. It also helps me remember how natural nudity is; that bodies are my mother nature’s artwork–to be loved and embraced, at the very least! So, I found a website that has a gallery of real breasts. You may be surprised to find they do not look like typical “porn boobs”. Real breasts have a different sit, they are not perfectly symmetrical, the nipple isn’t always in the same spot, breast size varies tremendously, and so do the areola and nipple color/size.




The website is 007b. I strongly recommend you go have a surf around. I am not endorsing what they say on the website (though some of it is good), but rather the array of real breast pictures and personal stories to accompany it. I have been considering doing a continuation of “Real Bodies” with various parts of the body from Sex+ community user submissions–including genitals. I’d love to know if folks would be interested & willing to participate, granted all identities were completely and untraceabley anonymous.