The Thing About Identity Labels…

emailllll

“I feel attracted to x, but I’m not sure if I qualify as ‘this label’ or ‘that label’, can you help explain these labels so I can pick the right one?”

Pansexual, asexual, gray-a, demisexual, boyqueen, genderqueer, panromantic, aromantic, homosexual, bisexual, queer, femme, andro, agender, bigender, butch, ….omg there are so many identity label choices!


Here’s a reminder about all those choices: you define those labels, those labels do not define you!

Labels are tools to understand the vast array of gender/romantic/sexual identity possibilities; they are not rigidly defined categories of people that you need to properly fit your identity under. You are already you, with or without the labels.

Instead, it’s helped me to reframe it like this:
Say it’s your sexual orientation label in question. Start thinking about what you do/don’t enjoy sexually, who you enjoy being sexual with, what kinds of things make you horny, what you’re curious about, and so on. Then, whenever you want or need a label to describe your sexual orientation, try on a label you feel comfortable with. Use the label so long as it helps you, but never allow yourself to feel any pressure to do that label “right”. You ARE your label. Your label is not you.

See what I’m saying?

As soon as a label starts to define you instead of you defining it, it’s time to drop it like it’s hot.

Go do you.

Interested In A Stranger On Facebook?

Oh Facebook, you magical love machine, you. =D

I have a crush on a guy that I don’t know, but am friends with on facebook. I guess he technically isn’t a complete stranger because he is an acquaintance/friend of some of my friends in real life…So my question is, in the age of facebook and friending strangers is it ok to express interest in someone you don’t actually know, and how does one go about it with out it being too awkward? I can’t really judge his accepting my friend request as anything much since he is in a band that is fairly well known and has a lot of friends. On a side note, I have noticed through random news feed posts that he definitely has an interest in meeting someone, so is that an open invitation to introduce myself? Do you think that he might get the impression that I’m weird for having searched him out or that I read what he posts? Honestly I don’t even know how I’d begin.

I
am
all about
meeting
people
on
the
internet.

…but, yknow, you’re talking to one of the biggest internet nerds ever. I don’t think it’s weird to friend people and to socialize online as you would in “real” life. This is the digital age! Embrace it! Love it and cuddle it! I believe it can do a lot of good in our “real” lives. The dating game online and IRL have a lot of overlap. Here are 3 things to consider when you’re approaching a stranger on Facebook:

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Saggy Boobs (NSFW)

email time!

Hi Laci! So there’s something I’m really insecure about. My breasts. I’m sixteen years-old, my cup size is 36 C-D, and I tend to hunch over a lot, but my breasts are quite saggy. I hate it and it’s something I’m really insecure about, especially when I see other women with ‘perfectly perky’ golden globes. I’m scared that when I decide to get intimate with someone that they’re going to find me unattractive. I’m quite a confident person, and I’m fine with my body except for this/these. Do you possibly have any answers on how to make them better, or at least help me be not as insecure?
-Much love and thanks, J.

Ah, the ol’ “saggy boobs” conundrum. Yet another way that thousands of females come to feel shitty about themselves because of the absurd beauty standards we are held to. Saggy boobs are typically associated with “old women”, which is one of the reasons why they are considered “ugly”. We do not value the beauty of women as they age, only when they look young (notice the obsession with youth in the beauty industry).

While men are affected to some degree, it’s not nearly as bad. It’s a widely-held notion that men become more attractive as they age.

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Why I Oppose Circumcision

I joined tumblr last week.
And omg it’s so awesome. Don’t forget to come along and hang out with me there! If you have a blog about food, fitness, sexuality, gender, sex positivity, body positivity, nature, or humanism stuff lmk so I can follow you!

I have since received several messages asking how I feel about circumcision. This post will focus on the widespread practice of male circumcision in the US (but I would make many of the same arguments about FGM abroad). Once upon a time, I made a video outlining both sides of the circumcision debate. I’ll forewarn you: infant circumcision is something I feel preeeeeetty strongly about. In this post, I will outline why I oppose circumcision and shed some light on why I think routine infant circumcision is an unethical practice.
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How To Stay Friends With An Ex

e-mayl

My boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me two weeks ago. Tomorrow, he is running of to Panama city for some spring break fun with a new girl. This is totally unlike him, so I am assuming it’s his way of coping with the pain – though he is flat out denying there is pain. In my logic, I thought, if he’s moving on, should I? We’ve both decided that we will stay friends. Though I am trying to get him to do friend activities, he is seemingly distant and cold. Again, very un like him. I’m wondering, in your personal and professional opinion, can we be friends with our exs? how much time in between should it take to attempt a friendship?

-L

Hey, L. I don’t have any professional advice to offer, but I can speak from my personal experiences with break ups.

Ending a relationship is in many ways losing someone, especially when you’ve been together for a few years as you had. The grief of break-ups, for me, feels not quite as strong as death, but more then falling out with a friend. As such, there are lots of emotions flowing, and that sometimes translates into strange or irrational behavior.

I think your assumption about him coping is probably right, even if he is denying it. In past break ups, I found myself feeling unwanted & missing their presence in my life. Amongst the slew of my sadness, there was peace in feeling like I’d be able to find the same happiness with someone else. Call it “rebounding”. Running off on this trip to Panama may be your ex’s way of doing that. I wouldn’t worry about his coldness for now, he’s probably just upset and needs some time.
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