Advice: They Think I’m Gay

This site is the perfect place to address some emails that aren’t video material publicly. You can request advice using the “Contact” page, and if you click the “advice” tag, you can see all the emails I throw up! :] (Erm…post up, I’m not really into digital vomiting.)

I’m a straight male and for some reason I get really upset over homophobes. Well, there’s a problem when I do this: I come off as gay. Ok so what do I do? I don’t want to be thought of around school as gay because then my chances with girls are gone haha.

Please how do I support the gay community and stand up for homosexuals without coming off as gay myself?

I commend your reaction to bigotry despite the fact that you yourself are not directly affected by it. Kudos! In your case, I’m going to propose that you change how you’re thinking and maybe how you’re defending yourself. To do that, what I am wondering is: how do you know you come off gay? Is this an assumption you’re making or did somebody tell you that it makes you look “gay”?

If it’s an assumption you’re making: you know what they say, “Don’t assume, it only makes an ASS of U and ME.” :D Honestly though, unless someone is telling you outright, it might be a little paranoid to assume that standing up for gay rights make you look gay. Would standing up against sexism make people think you’re a woman? Of course not. It’s not just homosexuals that are for gay rights, and anybody with half a brain knows this.

However, not everyone has half a brain (unfortunately, ugh).

If someone is calling you gay for standing up against homophobia: like I said before, you are dealing with a dimwit. Chances are, the women at your school aren’t all dimwits (I hope) and the good ones will probably be turned on by a straight guy against hate……okay, maybe that’s just me. Further, the person is obviously retaliating emotionally and trying to shut you down by attacking your sexuality. By calling you gay, the person successfully switches the focus of the argument from gay rights to arguing about whether or not you’re gay. Tricky, huh? Don’t let them do this! If someone pulls that shit on you, kindly remind them that supporting gay rights has nothing to do with being gay, it has to do with being a tolerant, loving human being.

Go get em tiger. Rawr!

36 thoughts on “Advice: They Think I’m Gay

  1. Well; I’m gonna be honest with you I almost had the same problem in High school but I did my research and I also talked to my parents about it but in the end being straight and supporting the gay community does take a lot of courage, I’m an artist and I go to the Art Institute of Atlanta here in Georgia, if anyone gives you shit about you supporting the gay community they are just dimwits, personally gay guys make good friends, and well girls might see it as brave. Just don’t be ashamed of it, you know your not gay and no one is gonna change it!

  2. I second Laci’s statement that guys who stand up against hate and bigotry are hot, especially on the topic of homosexuals. Demwits have made very suggestive comments that I may be a leisbian because I haven’t been in a commited relationship recently, because I support LGB’s rights, and because I support women’s rights as a feminist. Clearly if you believe in equal social, economical, and legal rights for women you must hate all men and their gentils… >.<

  3. My friends are fairly rough. We all tend to tease one another relentlessly. As such, in our group you simply cannot have any weakness or they will rip you to shreds. If they find a way to push your buttons, they will do so until the button doesn’t work anymore. What I have discovered is that when asked the question “are you a fag?” the correct answer is “yes, yes I am.(feel free to elaborate until you make them uncomfortable)” But then again, this is around friends who know my sexual preferences. A better response to another male asking such a question is “why do you ask, are you interested?” I’ve actually used the later on a former boss to hilarious effect.

    You see, the only acceptable answer is affirmation. If you deny it, then one might ask “aren’t you being defensive! There’s nothing wrong with being gay, so why are you making such a big deal out of it?” It’s a simple case of “me thinks she doth protest too much.” The good news is, if someone asks you if you’re gay, and you respond with “why do you ask, are you interested?” you can then use that same accusation of defensiveness when they respond with “I ain’t no fag!” Believe me, it works wonders… although it should be used with caution. No sense in getting beat up by a homophobe if it can be avoided.

    Believe me, I get it all the time. Combine a slender frame with long hair and I tend to “look like a pretty girl from behind” according to one of my lesbian friends. Then there’s the fact that I tend to always be around several women and I look like the gay best friend. LOL, I even have the tendency to be very outspoken about GLBT rights. It’s not all that bad though. You only have to worry about seeming gay if there is something wrong with being gay. Since there is not, there is not any reason to be worried. Hell, I’ve even gotten free drinks at bars from guys before, so it isn’t all bad.

    Also, seeming gay doesn’t ruin your chances with the ladies. Some may see it as a challenge. Some may be more likely to open up when they don’t perceive you as “threat”… after which you can tell them the truth. You don’t really want to lie to someone you care about anyway. Also, there’s always bisexuality… although they unfortunately get labeled as sluts.

    A concept I would like to see take hold is the idea of gender-transcendence. I am who I am and that has nothing to do with my gender, gender identity or sexual preference. I even go as far as to suggest that gender identity is useless for defining a person as gender roles are arbitrary, artificial and socially constructed.

  4. I actually had this problem with my dad. It was actually really funny he never said anything to me about it. I love my dad, we sometimes have conversations for hours about pretty much anything ranging from sex,movies,tv shows,politics, gay discrimination, so on and so on. One day he went to my cousins house and straight up asked him if i was gay. My cousins said “no he is just a big ass lib” and that was the end of it. When you have controversial opinions about something people will try to discredit you in any way you just have to be man enough to not let that shit get you down, and to stick to your guns.

  5. I had this same problem a few years back. My response was simple: I told him that, since I’m gay and all, he should have no problem with me spending an evening or two with his girlfriend, hahahaha. Be careful with that though — he didn’t like the sarcasm too much, hahahaha.

  6. I’ve had the same situation, where a friend questioned my sexual orientation because I argued against his homophobia.
    I think homophobia comes from two things: religion and a conservative view of masculinity. Some guys use homophobia to prove their own masculinity. They need gays as an opposite to show they themselves are tough, cool and (most important!) straight men.
    I think to counter this bullshit, you should point this out to them. I think using homophobia to prove manhood is actually weak and less masculine. Those who do show to be insecure about their own manhood. I’m not. I have tattoos, chesthair and heavy metal. I do not need homophobia to show I’m a man.

  7. This subject is near and dear to my heart. Acceptance without any motives. Not to gain popularity, votes, or appear to be sensitive, but rather a true acceptance of all people.

    I am proud to say that I have broken the cycle in my family. My grandparents were from a different time and social influence. Or at least that is what I was always told about their mostly racist outlook. My parents were police officers in a large city and dealt with the dregs of societies lowest element. It was not uncommon to hear racial slurs, bad ethnic jokes, or downright scandalous terminology used to describe ones sexual preferences.

    I am truly bless to have the ability to make better choices. I have some of the best people in the world as friends from very diverse ethnic, social status, and sexual orientations. All of these people enhance my life in a way that no one person or group could. I have been in relationships with women of many different skin tones, colors, religious affiliations, and cultural back rounds. Again a true blessing in testing the whole pool to see what temperature seems just right, instead of staying in the shallow end where it is safe.

    A special shout out to the man that is my latest BFF. His name is John and as we have become the closest of friends. I have found out in the last 2 years that we are way more similar that we are different. It is actually very comfortable to talk about sex and sexuality even if the parts and pieces are different.

    I hope all of America becomes homo-friendly.

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