36 thoughts on “Overcoming Fear of Rejection [Video]

  1. Thanks for the video Laci. I must admit I’m not a very confident person when it comes to fear of rejection. I’ve made the mistake to many times of saying so much in one go as well as expressing a desire for my partner to get involved in naturism. While I know that it’s not sexual, they may not fully understand or trust me with it, so the answer “No” is likely. If I got another chance to develop something, I will keep your tips in mind.

    Thanks again :)

  2. Great video, Lace. This should be helpful to allot of people out there, especially for anyone with social anxiety

    A great book that’s somewhat related to this subject is “The Game” by Neil Straus.

    It’s a book that covers the writer’s experience from being a socially inept dweeb to becoming true a pick-up artist ( or PUA ) through hit and miss scenarios.

    It’s talks about how you can teach yourself little tricks on how to make contact with a person or a group of people you don’t know and it’s a great tool to feel socially confident and be in control more.

    For me personally, I never had social problems, but the book helped me “gauge” whether or not a person was even interested in me, whereas I used to be pretty clueless about these things.

    The most important thing to remember is to actually go out and DO IT. You can educate yourself as much as want, but actually going out and trying out new ways to make a friend, get a date or just have sex is the only real way to grow.

    Hope this comes in handy. I can definitely recommend the book to men AND women alike. For women especially it gives a clearer picture on how the average western male thinks about relationships, women and sex in this day and age.

  3. oh this is great timing, there is this girl i have been seeing on the bus at night now for a while….first time I saw her we made eye contact and exchanged smiles..now we just sit a little closer on the bus but we haven’t said anything yet..was really trying to work up some balls to talk to her yesterday, but this video was great thanx Laci :)

    • who the bloody hell are you? change your name.

      nah, i’m j/k. great tips laci. the only part, as i stated in the comment section of you video, i disagree with is the indirect approach you recommend. it isn’t necessary. if a girl thinks you’re creepy, the issue lies with her. women will get over the creepiness once they realize you’re not a threat. as far as getting over your fear of rejection goes, i recommend you go direct. the only way to get past fear is through it.

  4. Dear Laci, just wanted to leave the message here that I left on your related video on youtube, and that is this.

    I have to say that you answer the problems we’re all thinking about but don’t know how to ask. Truly if change is born of necessity, then you were born to change the world.

    Hope it brings a smile to your face, although you don’t usually have that problem. =)

  5. Well, Thank you so much, it was really helpful, I´m a really shy and I have what it´s called low self-esteem, I don´t think I´m pretty or interesting enough so someone could like me, I´ve just enter university, I´ve enter a new world, and I feel really bad, I don´t think I´m ever gonna be able to find that someone that I wanted so much, I know this is kind of out of the topic but I´m a virgin, and I haven´t got a boy friend yet.
    I feel like I´m never gonna have one, and that no one would really like me.
    And Well I have a question, what if that person you wanna talk to.. Well it´s commonly known that in envirements such as university people tend to be always with a certain group of people, and in that case I´m not just gonna start speaking to everybody becouse I´m really shy, and my problem is that I´m not only without a boy friend, I need to get some friends I want my life to change, and I want to be happy for the first time..
    And other issue of mine is that when I talk to someone I dont ever talk to them any more, and I don´t know if it is my problem or what is happening becouse I tend to avoid eye contact, but I do feel sometimes that people just dont like me and it´s driving me so crazy!!
    Thank you laci, I love your videos I really enjoy them..
    (Sorry for my english)

  6. I don’t really do the whole “Asking people out” thing. Lack of confidence in myself I think… Except last summer. I finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl I work with to have dinner with me and, even though she turned me down (prior engagement, not a straight out No – Yay!), it still felt wonderful that I’d tried. I think the British Negative-Politeness culture (as opposed to the American Positive-Politeness culture) doesn’t really help, but it could be worse. People find confidence attractive so having the confidence to ask someone out is a good step toward them saying yes.

  7. So true. I find that I have this “comfort zone” outside of which I don’t feel very…. okay, well, comfortable. So the trick, I see, is to encourage myself with constant suggestions in order to move, ’cause hell, the longer I stay “comfy”, the longer I’ll feel like shit about the whole thing.

    And yeah, I really love your videos.

  8. Great video, Laci. I tend to turn into a Michael Cera character around girls, so hopefully I can keep what you said in mind next time, lol.

    Though, the biggest problem I tend to have is that I’m a lesbian who doesn’t “look” gay (which is an annoying and ignorant statement, I know, but when you don’t know someone you tend to fall into stereotypes lol) and I’m usually attracted to more “feminine,” and thus not exactly advertising if they may or may not be gay, girls. I get really worried that I’ll either creep her out if she’s straight, or she’ll misinterpret me casually asking her out as a girl who just wants to be her friend. Also, females aren’t shy about complimenting each other (“you have such beautiful eyes” “you have a great smile” ect.) so half the time I’m sitting there like “…is she flirting or just super nice..?” and my brain starts to melt.
    We need a secret hand shake or something.

  9. I don’t have a problem with rejection, but I’m afraid to get close to any guys, because I don’t have much experience at all at the age of 22. So, when a relationship starts getting “too far” for me, I start freaking out and end it! I get so annoyed at myself, but I just can’t overcome my fear, which just seems to exacerbate my fears!

  10. thanks for the video Laci its very helpful although i don’t know how much of it ill be able to put into practice I’m not really sure exactly what my problem is I’m just not able to speak to others well not strictly the opposite sex but definitely more inclined that way i was that guy in school sitting in a corner at lunch reading a book completely zoning out my surroundings I’ve always been someone who would rather deal with people on paper than people in real life you said to focus on your strengths but to be honest I’m not entirely sure what mine are i don’t think I’m particularly physically attractive i think I’m fairly intelligent but as i said that doesn’t really come into play because i have trouble speaking with others anyway it seems I’m rambling (i have a habit of doing that too sometimes lol) so thank you again and good morning/evening/night

  11. I am an extemely timid guy… who has a TON of trouble talking to girls… in fact… i’m unfortunatly a 20year old who’s never had a girlfriend…

    I’m a geek/nerd… a lil overweight… and every girl i’ve ever asked out in my life has given me the “your too much like a brother” line…..

    but one thing i’ve found here latly on my campus… is …. not admirable… or.. the healthiest thing….

    I’m a smoker… and when i open a pack of smokes after packing it.. i flip one for luck… i’ve got to the point where i’ll keep that one left over one in my pack in my jacket.. and if i see a girl i like.. who is smoking… i’ll walk up all like… “hey may i borrow your lighter?”… if she says ya… i … very… very… corny’ly… make the joke.. O .. lucky… and its my lucky…. and smile….

    so far… its toooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Must.. become.. better … person….

  12. Hey laci, just wondering if the email worked, and the vid is super cool, had to play again cause I was half asleep the other time but u rock

  13. Dear Laci,
    Thank you so much for this vid. I’ve been looking for tips for so long but I couldn’t seem to find any good ones. Until today!! :D

    I think there are alot of people who have the same problem as I do, because I’m not normally awkward in social situations, but only with guys I like. Trying to talk to a guy I like normally results in a complete meltdown of my brain and some stupidities that afterwards embarrass me to death.
    I think it’s the ‘you have to be perfect and size 0′-culture that really kills people’s confidence in themselves, and that’s the key ingredient we need to get the courage to go and ask someone out!!
    Thanks again, your videos really help me and undoubtedly alot of others.
    Love from Belgium ;)

  14. i don’t know why i currently feel the urge but i hereby want to apologize for all men after reading 2 pages of comments on your latest video.

  15. GOSH. You need your own talk show. Your advice is so genuine. I think everyone’s been there or has seen rejection, and number 4 is SO important to remember. You can’t help it if you’re courting someone who isn’t even attracted to your gender, or taken…or both lol

  16. I agree with Laci in this video; however, it’s not easy for anyone at all not matter how many times you’ve tried. Okay it gets easier but it’s never easy. I mean for myself I feel like I can only talk to people at work or at school; everywhere else seems so strange. But it’s different for everyone.
    Anyways thanks Laci for making these videos.
    Keep it up.

  17. I am a 21 year old guy and I have never been in a relationship. My fear of being rejected and mocked in any situation where I show my emotions is enormous. I can’t even tell my best friend or my siblings that I care about them. I am reluctant to physically touch other people as well. I want to be able to have a physical and emotional relationship with another human being, but I just don’t know how (I even had doubts about posting this text). I can’t overcome my fears just by saying “I can do it!”

    • I understand a little because I too have a hard time saying to my friends or family I love them or hugging them, but I think you should start with the little things…
      try first with your friends to be more open and spontaneous, maybe when you think it’s right or when they need it.
      This will give you a first smile, then when you have improved with the people you know it will be easier with the strangers or new acquaintances.
      But don’t rush it, small steps but well done as if it’s natural for you to take them.
      Good luck =)

  18. Yeah I’ve always been really self-conscious about my physical appearances but what you’ve said really help a lot – especially the part where one should find some sort of desirable trait to boost self-confidence. Yeah, I’m pretty short for a guy, being Asian, but I’ve got better brains than my peers!

    I once had a relationship in 6th grade that wasn’t truly a “relationship” because I never asked the girl out. I simply couldn’t say it, and talking to her was very similar to talking to a beautiful piece of rock – she was French and spoke little English, and my tongue had difficulty stabilizing itself when I looked at her lol. I’d sit with her during lunch and stuff but I think she eventually got bored of me (I don’t blame her xD).

    In my sophomore year, I met a girl in an online video game from a country on the other side of the world. She was mostly the talkative one so she made it easier for me lol. But after about 3 months, it got too irritating for me; she started drowning me with emo talk (not that it was that bad, but I gave her advice and she didn’t really listen).

    Last year, I met a girl who had a lot more in her head and was very relatable to me. I met her in the same game as I did of the last girl. I had a much higher confidence level to ask her out; it’s a lot easier to do it online than face-to-face xD! I’ve known her for almost a year now and have been in a relationship with her for a little over half a year, and I’m still enjoying every moment of it!

    Your advice really helps solidify my thoughts the topic of dating and that stuff. This comment will probably get crushed under the others but I just want to say thanks for the awesome vids!

  19. I am so afraid of asking people out, or even talking to a guy I find attractive. If it’s someone I’m not attracted to then I can flirt my ass of but not otherwise. Your tips have really helped give me some ideas of how to approach someone and I’m going to try some out later, lol.

  20. The very root of your writing while sounding reasonable initially, did not really work well with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the sentences you actually managed to make me a believer unfortunately just for a short while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your leaps in logic and one would do nicely to fill in those breaks. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I will undoubtedly end up being impressed.

  21. Hey, just wanted to say thanks for all the videos Laci. Not all of us are raised or taught about social interactions or sex ed. So it leaves alot of confused frustrated animals, like myself, out there. One little tip I have is to pick just 1 imperfection about the person you are trying to ask out. If you are like me you have unrealistic standards for people,a.k.a putting the pussy on a pedastal. finding an imperfection brings them down to a human level so as to correct my expectations of them. or just think they are just as worried about being judged as you are. Thanks again for the videos and keep up the good work Laci.

  22. I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and amusing, and let me tell you,
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  23. Not really what i was hoping for. I wish there was a video of yours about not being scared of your boyfriend rejecting your advances, or your friends.

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